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Screwed
Tuesday, March 3, 2009 @ 7:44 PM

Nothing will work unless you do. - Maya Angelou

I AM SO FUCKING NERVOUS.

Now that the sequence for the English oral defense is at random—and yeah I actually thought that random sequencing would be okay BUT IT'S NOT—I feel like I'm chopping my own head off or bursting my own brains out in this very slow and painful process to death. And the scariest part about all this is that I can't rebut my counter-arguments. To prepare well for the defense, I have to question myself a lot, and before today, I believed I was going to do okay, but now I'm completely lost. It's probably because I'm not sure how to synthesize my analyses for the presentation and all that, but the fact that I can't answer my own questions anymore tells me that I am completely SCREWED.

But to keep myself sane (or am I actually losing sanity with this?), I've been obsessing over American Idol a lot. Okay, not American Idol per se, but Adam Lambert, lol, who is absolutely my favorite contestant on Idol right now. Normally for every season, I have this contestant who I totally love and perhaps become obsessed with; last year it was David Cook, duh, then the others were like Blake Lewis, Chris Daughtry, and Constantine Maroulis. Now it's Adam Lambert, HAHA. And I know a lot of people speculate that he's probably gay, but I wouldn't care. He will forever be a great singer as long as his larynx is still in tact and shit. I mean seriously, did you seeeee his recent performance when he sang "Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones? Geez, that was insane. That was like a true let's-bring-the-fucking-house-down! kind of performance, I loved it. Besides, people always think musical theatre people are gay simply because it's musical theatre! ... Though I do personally hope he's not. (AH, I LOVE HIM!)

... Anyway.

OMG, I'm so fucking tired. And therefore I am pretty much going insane. I want to die again. Actually I slept through an entire half of Social Studies today all the way into lunch period, LOL. That's how fucking tired, or simply bored—or both—I am. I want to die. Random sequence is not fair, wah!