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This Is Stupid
Friday, March 13, 2009 @ 3:31 PM

Is it so bad to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never in my life have I felt this dumb before.

Was it some sort of a mind-block or panic attack going on? Well I don't know what the hell it was, but for the first time EVER in my entire academic life, I took a quiz and I seriously did not know what I was doing.

I took the Chemistry "long quiz" right after the Geometry long test, and God, I thought Geom was bad enough. Chemistry was a load of bullshit that I didn't understand the hell of. And I studied. I did, okay? I admit that it wasn't the hardest I've ever tried, but I did. And I understood. And I know that it is my fault for not knowing the answers, for not even possessing a decent guess at many points, but I studied for Chem—along with Geom, along with Health, along with my piano lesson which were all excruciating. I did everything I had to do yesterday, tiring myself over things I won't even apply ten years from now, and that's the point. It feels like I'm never fucking good enough. AND I HATE MAKING EXCUSES, BUT IT'S THE TRUTH. When will my sleepless nights (and that's literally staying up for 36 hours straight) ever pay off? It's as if no matter how much I try, there's nothing. Why do people like so and so and so get to sleep and yet they're the ones getting the high grades, overwhelming and almost undermining everyone else's capabilities? I know it's STUPID, but it never seems right to me. It never feels right and good and content and most of all, WORTH IT.